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In this article

• Do I return to work or not?
• What do I need to think about if I’m working from home?
• How do I stop feeling guilty about going back to work/putting my child in childcare?
• How do I stop feeling resentment towards my child for loss of career opportunities/freedom?
• I don’t feel confident about returning to work / How do I increase my confidence?

Do I return to work or not?

When returning to work after maternity leave we often think about all the practicalities of childcare, work hours and our rights as new mothers, but we brush aside the emotions that often come with making such a big decision.

This is a very personal decision and is often dependent on many factors. Only you can make this decision, but your answers to the questions below may help you make you return to work after maternity leave

• Do I want to work?
• Do I need to work? What is the reason? E.g. for the money, for my own sanity, to progress my career
• What hours do I want to work?
• What hours will my employer allow me to work?
• Do I want to change my job/career?
• Do I want to start my own business?
• How will I feel about leaving my child with a child carer?
• What kind of childcare do I want?
• Will the hours offered by the childcare enable me to work the hours I want/need to?
• Will my salary cover the cost of childcare?
• What are the emotions I am experiencing about going back to work?

Answer these questions for yourself and discuss your choices with a friend going through a similar experience or with your partner. Sometimes talking about it can make things clearer. Alternatively having someone to talk to who has no vested interest in the outcome can also be beneficial. Please feel free to speak to me direct via Greatvine.com where I can help you help yourself to make a decision based on your personal circumstances.

What do I need to think about if I’m working from home?

Working from home and having children can have its pros and cons. Here are some general ones. You may be able to add more depending on your personal circumstances.

Cons – these tend to be about the practicalities

• Separating home and work life can be a challenge
• Having children in the background while making work phone calls may be an issue
• Thinking about work when with your child and your child when you are working
• You may still need to consider childcare so that you can get work done
• It can be easier to procrastinate without the structure of being in an office environment
• It can be lonely without work colleagues
• Not getting out and about enough – and a lack of exercise

Pros – these tend to be about quality of life

• Flexibility to plan your day as you would like it e.g. doing the school run
• Working flexible hours i.e. number of hours per day, when those hours are worked (daytime/evening)
• You can still work, even if your child is home sick from childcare.
• Being able to spend more time with your child e.g. time that would have been spent travelling
• You can get chores done in-between work tasks, so you have more time with your family when they are around
• No travelling on public transport/in the traffic
• Not being part of the rat race

Working from home may not be for everyone and can sometimes take a little getting used to. But it can offer some great advantages when you have children. Of course, your personal circumstances may mean this decision is not so straight forward, if you are struggling to make a decision, please do feel free to contact me direct and from the comfort of your home phone via Greatvine.com

How do I stop feeling guilty about going back to work/putting my child in childcare?

When we become mothers we often feel emotions that we hardly ever experienced before having a baby or if we did they are now much stronger.

Guilt is a common emotion felt by many mothers and is often related to what we are thinking about/focussing on when we are feeling guilty. In relation to work and feeling guilty about leaving your child with a child carer you may be focussing on what the child is missing out on by not being with you or perhaps that you are actually enjoying the time away from you child.

Lets consider a few ways that may help you to deal with the feeling of guilt. The first is to consider what your child is gaining by being in childcare.

• Learning social and physical skills and exploring new environments.
• Learning to be flexible, as things are being done differently to at home.
• Being exposed to illnesses, which will boost their immunity.
• Taking activities that they probably would not be doing in the home environment.

You may be happier and more relaxed for a number of reasons

• Having a break away from the full time responsibility of having a child
• Being able to pursue your career/business goals
• Just being able to have adult time or “Me” time. Your child also gains from your working/having time away from them
• A happier mummy
• A mummy that doesn’t resent their child for stopping their career
• Having to focus on work may make us more organised again – mummy brain and having children can sometimes make you feel very disorganised. Having a routine and some order can often help a child to feel secure.
• S/he learns about the changing roles in our society i.e. that it isn’t just men that can have a career.
• It may enable your family to have more of a disposable income for holidays together etc.

If you are a working mom, find a way to have quality time with your child every day (it does not have to be hours at a time). This way they are getting the attention from you that they need and you are able to participate in their lives and find out what they learnt during their day in childcare.

A final thought: As a parent we often feel guilty about things that our children just take in their stride. If you are finding that you are still feeling guilty and are concerned by these emotions please feel free to contact me directly from the comfort of your home phone via Greatvine.com

How do I stop feeling resentment towards my child for loss of career opportunities/freedom?

When we become mothers we often feel emotions that we hardly ever experienced before having a baby or if we did they are now much stronger.

Resentment is a common emotion felt by many mothers and is often related to what we are thinking about/focussing on when we are feeling resentful. If you are feeling resentful about the affect having a child has had on your career/business, you may be focussing on what you are missing out on or have lost. This may be a loss of freedom, career opportunities or even the affect on your relationship.

The way to deal with this is to turn your focus to what you have gained. Some examples of what you may have gained might be…

• A reason to work fewer hours/days and then have the freedom to do what you would like on your days off.
• Opportunities may present themselves e.g. changing the focus of your business/career.
• A renewed focus/reason for making your business work or enjoying your job.
• The opportunity to make new friends

How else has having a baby been beneficial to you? Make a list of all the positive and happy feelings having a baby has brought you and read it back to yourself whenever you may be feeling negative.

If you are finding that you are still feeling resentment and wish to talk to someone about it please feel free to contact me directly from the comfort of your home phone via Greatvine. If you are really concerned by these feelings, you may wish to speak to a counsellor, again visit Greatvine for trusted and confidential advice in this area.

I don’t feel confident about returning to work / How do I increase my confidence?

Mothers often feel that they have lost their skills to do a job while on maternity leave. In most industries the job or skill set would not have changed so much that your previous skills are no longer relevant, so this should not be a problem. It is often that you are just out of practice using those skills and that may affect your confidence.

Think about it this way. When you go on holiday it can sometimes take a few days to get back into the swing of things and then it feels like you were never away. Think about your maternity leave in this way – it is a slightly longer holiday than usual and that you just need time to get back on track.

Being a mum also adds skills to our bag which can be used in the work place:

• It may not feel like it, but you probably manage your time better or you get more done in a day. It is just the task type that has changed.
• You may be used to juggling more that one task at a time, making you more efficient.
• Having a child can also make you more flexible.

What can you do to boost your confidence?

• Ask someone you trust at work to help you ease back into things e.g. remind you of procedures etc.
• Spend a couple of hours at work, before you are due to restart, to familiarise yourself with things again. Just make sure that the hours spent at work don’t affect your maternity pay, as there is a limited amount of time you can spend at work while on maternity leave.
• Remind yourself of all the skills you have gained by being a mum.
• Stand tall. Literally by changing your posture you can change the way you feel inside. Just the physical changes your body goes through in pregnancy and what it can do to your posture can affect confidence, never mind all the emotional stuff that comes with being a mum.
• Pamper/Treat yourself – buy yourself a new smart outfit. Looking good can help to make us feel good and indeed confident

Remember this - Being a mum just adds to who you are already and what you are capable of!

If you'd like more advice on returning to work after maternity leave then you can contact Frances via her advice line.

Or

You can view the full list of Greatvine experts* who can offer support if you decide to return to work after maternity leave or not.

Frances Byatt-Smith
Health Visitor & Parenting Consultant